Be a Friend to Yourself

Happy Monday! Last weekend I got to spend a few days away with my college roommates. As I said goodbye to them at the airport, I found myself feeling extremely grateful for the gift of those enduring friendships. Thinking more about that upon my return reminded me of this reading that I shared with my classes last week. 

Friendship, by Mark Nepo

I have been blessed to have deep friends in my time on Earth. They have been an oasis when my life has turned a desert. They have been a cool river to plunge in when my heart has been on fire. When I was ill, one toweled my head when I couldn’t stand without bleeding. Another bowed at my door saying, “I will be whatever you need as long as you need it.” Still others have ensured my freedom, and they missed me while I searched for bits of truth that only led me back to them. I have slept in the high lonely wind waiting for God’s word. And while it’s true–no one can live for you–singing from the peak isn’t quite the same as whispering in the center of a circle that has carried you ashore. 

Honest friends are the doorways to our souls, and loving friends are the grasses that soften the world. It is no mistake that the German root of the word friendship means “place of high safety.” There can be no greater or simpler ambition than to be a friend. 

I love the sentiment of this passage but the line that really became my focus last week is the one bolded above; the idea that our friendships are a place of high safety for us.

I took this concept even further for students as I offered them to use their physical asana practice as a way to cultivate a “place of high safety” for THEMSELVES.

We all know the value of the friendships in our lives but we do not tend to value the practice of being a friend to ourselves in the same way. While we find a deep kindness and acceptance for our friends, we struggle with the understanding that we are also entitled to the same treatment of ourselves. The Buddha tells us that what we do for others we should also do for ourselves; that is how we cultivate balance and equanimity.

I kept reminding students throughout their practice that it is exactly that…. practice. Just as we would tell friends to be easy on themselves and to let go of self judgment both on and off the mat, we should offer that same “friendship” to ourselves.  So, I hope you practice this week. Practice the gift of being a friend to yourself. Practice cultivating that “place of high safety”. Practice both on the mat and off. You deserve it