Softening into Resistance Minimizes Suffering

As a yoga teacher there are terms that I say very often when I am teaching;  two of them “soften into your resistance” and  “meet your edge and soften” essentially mean the same thing; to focus on learning how to be kind to our bodies and soften when we feel our body holding onto tightness. This softening into resistance offers us more resiliency, lightness and strength as well. 

Recently, I had the chance to practice this message off the mat. It is a bit harder to recognize those opportunities because we are very programmed to avoid discomfort. When things get hard, as a culture we tend to bulldoze through or pedal away. It truly takes a mindful understanding to BE WITH the discomfort– to meet it with compassion. 

A couple weeks ago I read an unflattering article about a friend’s husband in the news. While I have known this friend  for about 17 years, most of those years our friendship has been holiday cards and facebook birthday wishes. Recently we reconnected in person since we now live close again.

When I read the article I found myself resisting the discomfort…not being sure if I should reach out with a caring text. “Would she want to hear from me?” “What should I say?” “Should I acknowledge what I read?” “Should I not?” Then came the judgment of myself… “I am a mindfulness teacher.. shouldn’t I know what to do?”

It’s that discomfort that we want to avoid because we are worried that facing it will cause us personal suffering. However the practice is in realizing that meeting the discomfort with compassion not only causes less suffering for all parties but it also has the opportunity to cultivate joy.

I sent her a short text, acknowledging the article, letting her know I was here and asking if she needed anything. She wrote back almost immediately thanking me for reaching out. She mentioned she was surprised at how few people she had heard from. I shared with her what I shared above here. The programming we have is that if we run from discomfort we will “outrun” it and that it wasn’t about her but more about those other people and their internal dialogue.

I felt grateful that I could offer her some comfort during a difficult time and knowing that made me feel lighter. I softened into the resistance, met it with compassion and found resiliency, lightness and joy on the other side. What we practice we get better at; both on and off the mat so I am wishing you all a great week of practice.