Two Wolves

Happy Monday! I hope you are all doing well. 13 years ago I was living in chronic pain. some of my long term students may remember when I finally found a treatment that worked for me after two years of trying different things. This treatment required very restricted movement for several weeks along with over 700 shots in my back over a few month time period. It was an emotional time in my life. Before those treatments, I was grappling with the possibility that I would be living in chronic pain and not able to practice yoga for the rest of my life. During the treatment there was fear mixed with hope and gratitude as I began to see steady improvement. After the completion of the treatments I was 95% better and have remained largely that way since.   

Last week, I received a little “tune up” treatment. It was an opportunity to repair some wear and tear in my body over the last 12 years. As I laid on the table preparing to receive a (much less intense and painful) version of what I had years before, I had an emotional reaction. The tears came from what felt like out of nowhere and I was physically and emotionally exhausted. 

What was clear was that my body remembered this experience and held a piece of it inside even after all these years. I don’t think about that period of time in my life on a day to day basis anymore, but my body clearly remembered.

That time all those years ago was one of deep learning for me both in how to view my body and how to manage all the thoughts and feelings that come with that. I learned how to be with ongoing physical discomfort and work to not let it control my thoughts. I became a much better, more empathetic teacher. I had to teach with verbal cues more than demonstration but more than that it was because I myself was living in pain like many of my students and I had to work with my body and not look at it as something to fight against, even in its imperfect state. 

This was the practice that I offered students last week, both on and off the mat. It is not just our bodies that holds our injuries and experiences inside, but our minds as well. Learning how to speak to both with kindness, understanding and acceptance is a difficult but truly worthwhile practice.  What we practice we get better at and both the body and the mind remember.