What We Are Not

Happy Monday! I hope you all had a very nice holiday weekend. This past week I shared the reading below with my classes. As you all know I am about to experience a major transition in my life as I approach empty nesting in about six weeks. I have been touching all my feelings around that for the last several months but now it is time to accept and grow from it. 

A Little Fish Story, Mark Nepo

The instant fish accept,
that they will never have arms,
they grow fins.

I confess I was surprised to wake one day with this knowing about fish. It seems a koan or riddle to decipher. After living with it awhile, I have come to feel that it holds another key to faith: that before we can be what we are meant to be, we must accept what we are not. This form of discernment asks us to let go of those grand fantasies that take us out of our nature, that make us work to be famous instead of loving, or perfect instead of compassionate. 

Yet the instant we can accept what is not in our nature, rather than being distracted by all we think we could or should be, then all our inner resources are free to transform us into the particular self we are aching to be. 
This act of acceptance is a risk that frees us because we can’t find the growth that awaits us until we give up what is against our very nature. It is this surrender, without knowing what will happen next, that allows our lives to truly unfold. 

On the mat is a great way to practice letting go of all we are not. The body tells us what we can and can’t do and it is up to us to listen and meet the information with acceptance and compassion. Once we do that, we can shift our focus and growth to what IS available. It is the stripping away of judgment, ego and expectation that allows us to get the most out of our practice on the mat. 

As with much of this practice, the same is true off the mat. I was inspired by this reading because of my impending transition. However, I realize how powerful its application is in everyday life as well. Along with emotions and logistics, this summer is full of amazing adventures for my family;  (first to Sicily and currently as you read this I am on a plane to Sydney, Australia). Upon our return we will have about two weeks to get two kids ready to relocate to their respective cities and then I will be heading off on my Morocco retreat shortly after. In addition, we are selling my daughter’s car to a dear friend and were planning to drive it up from Florida to NJ.

Why am I telling you this? Well, if you read my newsletter last week you may recall my sudden debilitating back pain that has since resolved but was quite painful. As I laid in bed that day struggling to find relief, I asked myself; What is the message? Why is this happening? This passage offered me the answer. I realized it was my body clearly communicating to me that driving 20 hours in a car while moving two kids and then heading off to my retreat was not the right decision for me. I needed to accept what I am not… (25 years old anymore :)), in order to grow.We are shipping the car and I am both relieved and grateful.