What We Can’t Control

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Last Sunday I attended a small pro tennis tournament called the Delray Beach Open. Earlier that day we had checked the weather and the forecast said it was likely going to rain during the match. My husband immediately started contingency planning– assuming the match would be rained out and postponed. He was stressing about all the potential outcomes. It is a natural response. It is called a negativity bias; the strong instinct to focus on what could go wrong, and it is hard wired into the way our brain functions. Spoiler alert; it didn’t rain and we thoroughly enjoyed a wonderful match in overcast breezy perfect 75 degree weather. 

This experience got me thinking about all of the energy we expend worrying about things (like the weather) that are out of our control. What if we took all of that energy and channeled it towards thoughts and actions we CAN control? How incredibly powerful we would all be in creating the life (in the present) that we want and deserve. This became my message for the week along with this quote by Mark Twain. 

“I’m an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” 

On the mat this concept is powerful to practice. I reminded students that they have complete control over whatever they choose to do on the mat; that it was fully in their power and deserved their utmost attention. Within the noticing of what they could control, I also reminded them of what we often cannot control; the aches, pains and tightness in the body. However what we CAN control is our reaction to those sensations. By meeting them with compassion they often soften and make the present moment better.  

Just like on the mat, the practice of identifying what we CAN control off the mat also helps us clearly identify what we CAN’T. I find myself often asking– Is this something I can control? If not, can I soften my fear or anxiety around it? If there is a way I can prepare (like bring a rain jacket) then do it and as for the rest, can I choose to let it go? 

For what it’s worth, this past weekend we attended a music festival and the forecast also included rain. I subscribed the same philosophy– let’s not worry about it because it is out of our control. This time it did in fact pour and we found ourselves (with many others) taking shelter under an overhang to wait it out. As the rain was dumping down around us there was something freeing about it. The “worst” happened and it really wasn’t so bad. This is another opportunity we have to offer ourselves; that often when what we worry about happens, its not as bad as we think.